What A Trivial Mess I'm In

So, lately I've been thinking a lot about life and what it's all about. Yes, the big picture, that grand question of "Why" with a capital W that we often find ourselves reflecting on. What's it all about and why are we here, who are we inherently as human beings and individuals? Well I for one am Stacy, I am awesome, witty, bitchy, hilarious, semi-smart, and I am a mess. I'm at a new place with new people and this grand "Why" has been plaguing me even more lately than ever before. I think I vastly underestimated my religious crisis and moreover, underestimated what it means to have a concrete belief system. Starting from scratch has been most difficult and I find it hard to grasp at almost thin air when a change occurs for me. That whole "where do I turn for peace?" bullshit that used to be answered with a man named Jesus. Now, I have no answers and even double the amount of questions. But I take solace in my friend vodka, my literal human friends, and those select family members I have a connection with. I'm realizing more and more that life is incredibly fleeting. This second, minute, hour, day, event, week, month, etc., all of it is incredibly fragile because everything is susceptible to change and can be lost and broken in a heartbeat. Then I've been thinking, maybe that isn't such a bad thing. Maybe all life is, is a fleeting event in which happy moments capture us and entertain us for an instant, only to toss us onto the next event, whether happy or sad. I find myself trying to hold onto the past so much and entertain these grand ideas for my future and who or what I should or could be. But why? Why try to hold onto things that change? It isn't possible. By the time you think you've grasped something, it's already evolving. Rolling with the punches, embracing the change, taking refuge in the fleeting moments is what I should be doing. I can't live on a foundation of concrete. It's unrealistic. As soon as the cement is almost drying, you're moving on in a different direction. I need a foundation of playdough. Bright, beautiful, salty playdough that can be pliable and ever changing just as the events in my life are ever changing. I'm giving up the idea of things being solid and clear cut. Today I'm realizing that life is much more simple than we ever could hope it to be. We are born and we die. Everything in between is fleeting, and ultimately trivial. I'm not saying to not try to have a glimmer of happiness, or to not do good for those around you, but what I am saying is that it's letting go and not holding on where you'll gain the most freedom. Don't be shackled down by people or events that aren't concrete, because the only constant any of us have in life is change.